Monday, June 24, 2013

24 days...

I have written and erased this post several times too afraid to finish. But thanks to some other bloggers I finally decided to just finish it more for myself and to get it out than anything..

Today June 24th is the 24th day that I have been working for myself full time now...

And on this 24th day, writing this and having other people read and know is a big step for me.

Why is is a big step? Whats the big deal? Well if you know me at all, I'm not a real risk taker, I tend to play within the lines and I have always strived for stability, especially with two small kids. I'm also pretty sensitive although I try not to show it. I haven't wanted people to know because I have felt like until I really have a big success I basically just walked away from stability and I'm not strong enough to take in negativity from others about my decision.

I spent over six years in a field I loved (social work) doing a job I did not love. The mission was noble and I was generally proud of what I did but at the end of the day it was a thankless job that was emotionally draining. After 6 years and two small children it was getting harder and harder to balance the needs of my family with the needs of families in crisis. I was getting burnt out and I wasn't being the wife and mother that I should have been for my own family. I applied for a new job in a totally different field with lots of perks and less stress on a whim and got it. I had these wonderful hopes that even though it wasn't a field I had ever thought of working in it would be so much better because it had set hours, no on-call, rare overtime and lots of perks. Plus it was in town (haven't had a job closer than 30 mins from where I lived since entering the adult workforce).

But things weren't as great as I hoped. I don't like to not be good at something, especially something that I have to do for 40 hours week. But I came to learn that if you have no interest in your job, its really hard to want to put in the time and effort to be good at it or to put up with the crap that comes with any job. I realized that I was working my butt off everyday only to feel mediocre (at best) at the end of the day. After a year I felt just the same way I felt after 6 years at my previous job. And as the breadwinner and all around "safe, stable" girl I felt trapped. In the midst of this I saw some random thing on Facebook one day, that basically asked you how you would feel if you were still at the same point in life 10 years from now. If you weren't happy with that then you needed to make a change.

I have always had the pipe dream of making a living from my design work but until this year I haven't really made an effort to make it a reality. Once I made it a priority and set goals (and spent every "free" moment working on my shops) my business kept growing. And it gave me the confidence to really think I could do this for a living.

So needless to say after a long period going back and forth about just sticking it out at my job, or making the leap, sleepless nights worrying, and a few unexpected surprises I made the decision to give it a go.

In the past 24 days I have had my moments of regret, tearful breakdowns feeling like a failure, mixed with bursts of excitement and can do spirit. These past 24 days have not been what I thought they would be both good and bad. I am plagued with worry about where I will be at the end of this journey. But I also know underneath the stress and worry, is a person who truly believes things happen for a reason and we aren't meant to live our lives being unhappy.

I remember I started my first Etsy shop because I wanted to do something that made me happy, an outlet from the stress of my day job. I wanted my daughter to see me happy and excited about life not stressed and on edge.

I don't know where this journey will take me and I don't know in the end if I will be successful or not but I know its something I needed to do, to hopefully get to a better place. I will keep you updated on my journey...the good, bad and the ugly!

And because I'm a sucker for inspirational things here is a FREE 8x10 inspirational print to start your week off right!

available HERE

available HERE


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