Monday, August 19, 2013

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

I like reading blogs about people who are similar to me, whether it be family make-up, sense of humor, business owner or people who I strive to be like. I like following people's lives and journeys (I have always been a nosy person so I think blogs feed that for me). But sometimes I have a hard time because a lot of what you read is "the good". Now don't get me wrong I love reading the good things happening to people but sometimes when that's all I read I start to wonder if maybe I'm doing something wrong, because I can tell you straight out it ain't all good over here!

I promised you I'd share the good, bad and ugly regarding my self employment journey and I will keep to the promise. One because sometimes its therapeutic to get it all out and maybe there is someone like me reading and getting a full picture might be helpful in itself.

Well the good, as far as my actual business(es) go, things are going well. May is still the most profitable month but since summer is generally a slower time I have been really impressed with my profit and things are picking up. With all 3 shops combined I am on track to either tie May or beat it. I feel like I am more organized with my business and although I feel like I'm constantly flooded with ideas or things I need to get done I feel like I'm getting on top of it and not feeling extremely overwhelmed with it all.

And the bad, I am struggling with the balance. I am struggling with being a mom, a stay at home mom, a work at home, need to clean the house, need to pay attention to my babies, need to engage with my husband, need to finish these orders, need to get more items in the shop, need to sleep, need to eat mom. Ever since I started my shop back in 2009 its been a balancing act. Now that I stay home with my kids during the day its becoming beyond clear that I'm not good with the balance. Its hard because my kids totally recognize the LARGE amount of time I spend on the computer and they are not fans. Well my daughter doesn't mind as long as I'm making something and she can watch but anything else she has no interest in and my son despises the computer. They don't understand what I mean when I say I'm working. They don't understand that if I don't "play on the computer" we don't eat. At the same time I hate that I spend so much time on it too. I keep telling myself it will get better and I am working hard to be computer free for the majority of the day except for snack/meals where they are otherwise occupied anyway. I'm trying really hard to make the couple hours I have in the morning and then the time after they go to bed, my main work time. I'm at least trying really hard in my head to at least remember that I need to clean up every once in a while...WORK IN PROGRESS!

And the ugly, its been a rough mom week, way too much time inside my head, way too much time dissecting and focusing on where I fall short. When I'm in that place it may start with one thing but I end up focusing on everything I do wrong or have ever done wrong. Its not a nice place to be. I have been on the verge of tears for several days. I don't cry often (with the exception of tv shows, movies or sad commercial), but sometimes I just know the stress has built up to where I just need a good cry. It hasn't happened yet, which just leaves a stressed, sad person. Sometimes you can be surrounded by people but still feel lonely. Part of writing this was to at least get it out there and hopefully move past it.

I just keep telling myself, everyday is a new day and it will get better...

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