Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I have a REAL job...

I was inspired to write this because its something that has been gnawing at me for a while, especially this holiday season...

I am a person, I am a wife, I am a mom, I am a business owner.

I work 7 days a week, holidays, weekends. From 7:30am until at least 1am on most days I work, I fill orders, create new items, put out customer fires, grasp at any article or bit of advise that will help me grow. I spend my day tracking what I earn down to the penny to make sure my revenue is where it needs to be. I spend my day examining and re-examining my shop to figure out what to change or do more of. I spend my day worrying about what the future will bring and being excited that I've made it this far. I spend my day regretting my decision to go out on my own and regretting that I have any small sense of doubt. I spend my day doing a mental cheer each time my phone dings to tell me I have an order. I spend my day grateful that at least for now I don't have to spend my morning stressing over what to wear to work and trying to get out of the house on time, inevitable forgetting something. I spend my day trying to decide if I really have time to do this or that when I really need to spend as much time as possible working. I spend my day longing to be in my college form where I could pull an all nighter. I spend my day hoping that my kids, my husband and my family will one day understand why I often have to tell them I can't do something, or we can't buy something and feeling like the worlds worst wife/mother every time I say it. I spend every minute of everyday working in some form.

Just because I can do it in my pajamas without leaving my house doesn't make it less real, less hard, less stressful. Just because I LOVE what I do, despite the instability, worry, stress and tears doesn't make it any less of a REAL job.

I work 80+ hours a week, I am supporting a family, I am making FAR less than what I made at my last stable, benefits providing, cooperate job. I have to think about every penny I earn and every penny that leaves the house. But I am not stressed because I work so hard and in the end it doesn't matter, I am not trying to maneuver the work politics, I am not up at night wondering what I forgot to do, that I didn't even know I had to do, I am not depressed at the thought of getting out of bed and getting dressed to go some place that I hate. I am finally happy with my REAL job.

One of my big goals this year is to be more willing to express the above by not being nervous or embarrassed to say that I work from home, that I'm self employed, that no I wasn't fired, I chose this path. Still a work in progress...

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